How I became motivated again

So for the past several weeks I have felt incredibly unmotivated. Blame it on jet lag, an uneven sleeping schedule, a little bit of PMS, and a sprinkle of post-concert depression (I went to see BTS’ SUGA in concert and have not emotionally recovered).

For anyone following my journey, I started my 100 Day Branding Project in April, and put it on pause to concentrate on my day-to-day job until my work-related event was over. Since coming back from my trip, I have worked on my brand a bit, but have lost the excitement of doing it. Now I feel a weird sense of dread when I think about starting it again.

Outside of creative projects, I’ve found myself procrastinating on the simplest daily things; things that would normally take a minute to complete. They pile up (literally and figuratively), and while I do deal with them at the end of the week, often I find myself taking naps or sleeping as soon as I get home so I’m not awake to deal with it.

All in all, I still function like a normal human being, but there’s a part of me that craves having that feeling of wonder, excitement, and creativity that I had felt only a couple months ago. Right now, it feels like I’m experiencing some bad brain fog.

[...A few weeks later…]

I started writing this blog seven weeks ago on my commute to work. Since then, I finally feel like myself again – and what started as a ‘listicle’ of tips, now is a long diary entry of my journey from being at my lowest, to now feeling very stable and very clear headed. 

Writing a blog about motivation is something I’ve always wanted to do. But for some reason, I never felt right talking about it. When I have the most energy to write, I often have the most motivation. But writing about how to be motivated when you’re on a “motivation high” feels like someone giving you tips for curing acne when they’ve had clear skin all their lives. Often these tips feel surface level and a bit generic; they don’t really dig deep about why you’ve lost motivation, and how to healthily get yourself back to normal.

Prologue: How I lost my motivation

To give some context, the last few months have been objectively tiring. I was travelling; jet lagged; working an event that took 7 months of preparation; I was anxious (and catastrophising) about not being able to attend a concert I really cared about; and I slept maybe 4-5 hours a night for 2 months straight. Before my trip, my cup was incredibly full – I was dedicated to my job, my hobbies, and my fitness goals while still maintaining a healthy social calendar. On top of that, I was working on my 100 Day Project as well.

The trip was great, the concert was incredible, and the work event was a success – but for the first time in a while, I felt incredibly homesick. Perhaps it was my body’s signal to rest, or maybe my socially anxious self felt a little overstimulated – whatever the reason, I just felt off and I missed home.

When I got back, I did what people would normally do – I slept off the jet lag, visited my loved ones, and I took a few days off work to do whatever I wanted. After a few days, I figured I’d be back to my normal routine and everything would be perfect again. [Spoiler alert: It wasn’t!] 

What followed was over a month of unshakable anxiety, rumination, low self-esteem, and no motivation. But the funny (and confusing) thing was... I was so incredibly self-aware of these feelings, almost like I was observing them happening to someone else. It got to that point where I turned to my sister and casually said, “Damn, maybe I am depressed.” to which she replied, “Sounds like it.” 

And that was the beginning of my journey out of my slump. 

Part 1: Indulge

For me, the first step of getting out of a slump was allowing myself to indulge in it. So this is what I did.

I gave myself rest time

When I first felt my motivation drop, I gave myself a couple days of rest. And while I thought that may have been enough time for me to bounce back, eventually I found out it was way too little. 

Shortly after this mini break, I immediately jumped back into my to do list. I felt an immense sense of guilt and urgency to finish my tasks for some reason, even though nothing was that important. I had a weird fear of falling behind and not being able to catch up. Because of this fear, I adopted a “half-rest” mentality, where I’d try to finish tasks despite not being physically or emotionally ready to do so. The more I tried to push to finish my tasks, the more exhausted I felt, and the worse I was at finishing them. I felt guilty for not being able to do simple tasks properly, and that added to my feelings of inadequacy.

Eventually, I realised I needed to give myself a long rest period that did not have an end date. When I was resting, I allowed myself to lie in my bed all day, watching YouTube and TikTok until I got bored. I visited my closest friends and family, and threw all my tasks and goals out the window – spending 80% of my time alone recharging and resting. It was important for me to realise how precious that time was, and how much I needed it.

I slept… a lot

Catching up on sleep was one of the most important things I had to do while I was feeling low. Normally I tend to stay awake as much as I can to maximise the amount of hours I have in the day (it’s a phenomenon called “revenge bedtime procrastination”). But in this instance, I allowed myself to sleep as much as I could to cure my jet lag and my emotional exhaustion.

I definitely used sleep as a way to avoid dealing with my problems – and even though it doesn’t sound very healthy, it was incredibly effective nonetheless. I don’t feel right personally recommending this approach, but putting aside time to mentally rest (aka be unconscious) was something I needed to do for myself.

I stepped away from things I wasn’t “feeling”

As I’ve grown older, I’ve adopted the philosophy “If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no!”. Of course, there are things I have to do that aren’t a hell yes (like washing the dishes) – but in all in all, I’ve made it a point in my life to only do things I’m excited about. When it comes to recreational activities, if I’m not feeling it – I stop, and I trust that when the time is right I’ll find my way back to it again. 

When I was experiencing really low motivation, the things I used to enjoy day-to-day were things I began to dread. In the beginning, I thought I needed to force myself to do them, but it only made me more tired. So instead of trying to push through, I stepped away until I felt emotionally ready to get back into my routine. 

Before this year, there was always a fear that if I abandoned something, or I didn’t have the discipline, that I’d be a failure and never achieve anything. But holding that high expectation over my head was counterproductive and not particularly inspiring. It only made me want to do the thing less. I’ve found that the more chill I am about something, the more likely I’ll do it.

I cleared my calendar

Even though I’m an introvert, I tend to forget how easily my social calendar can get filled up. When I got back from my trip, I had a lot of social events waiting for me – including watching 9 movies at the Sydney Film Festival (I know!). These are things I would do again, but admittedly, really took a toll on my energy levels when they all happened back to back.

After everything settled down, I made a point of blocking out two weeks of no major social events, and I was able to spend some time on my own. 

Part 2: Acknowledge

With all the indulgent stuff out of the way, the next part of my journey was the most uncomfortable one. For me, having no motivation always comes from a place of mental insecurity. Even if I can attribute low motivation to external factors like jetlag or lack of sleep, when I’m feeling depressed or low it’s because there’s a personal issue I haven’t dealt with yet.

I acknowledged all the negative feelings I had

I’m a firm believer of never squashing your feelings. I can’t (and won’t) compartmentalise the emotions I have – especially if they are negative. Negative emotions happen for a reason, and it’s important to listen to your gut and understand what’s making you feel that way. For years, I was incredibly reactive when I was feeling anxious or stressed, and I’d do anything to make the feeling go away quickly. Usually that would result in some rash decision making which didn’t help me at all in the long run.

So instead of doing that, whenever I experience any uncomfortable emotion, I imagine I’m sitting in a room with it, observing it without passing any judgement. I ask myself – why am I feeling this way, did something trigger it? Is it normal for a person to have this reaction? 

Feelings always speak some form of truth, whether it’s something you want to confront or not.

I had a deep exploration of all the things that were bothering me

When I was feeling really depressed during this period, I reflected on every potential problem that could’ve caused it. I wrote mindlessly, trying to deconstruct every little feeling I had, every annoyance, every moment of resentment… until I felt like I had everything out in the open. 

For me, figuring out what was wrong was a journey – it took a few weeks and a lot of back and forth between what I thought was wrong, and what was REALLY wrong (the path to clarity is never linear unfortunately). Often the biggest problems are the ones that aren’t obvious (and the ones you don’t want to acknowledge). But after having the time to explore my feelings, I was really able to understand myself better and take steps to get out of the negative mindset loop I found myself in.

I acknowledged what my fears and faults were

In my experience, I’ve found that any negative feelings I encounter are often linked to an overarching fear or fault I have. Personal fears and faults are different for everyone, but for me, a lot of my negative feelings arise from my perfectionist and people-pleasing nature. I’m often very fearful that I’m not doing something right, or I’m not doing enough. Whether it’s my own expectations (or others), I can’t help but be pulled into an anxious mindset when I’m not “performing” at my best. And this feeling isn’t uncommon, even for those who aren’t born with a Type A personality like me – it’s something that plagues us all. 

I threw all expectations out the window – including my own

Ever since I was young, I’ve had high expectations of myself. This came from a natural desire to achieve because of how I was brought up as a kid. The expectations I’ve had throughout my life have been both helpful and detrimental – sometimes they keep me disciplined and focused, but most of the time they are restrictive and counterproductive. Holding myself to high expectations can be really debilitating – if things don’t go the way I envisioned, it can demotivate me in an instant.

I always have to remind myself that having expectations is not required to live a fulfilled and rich life. We tend to put so much pressure on ourselves to be on a specific timeline – i.e. have the dream job by 25, get married and have kids by 30… and none of these deadlines are real. Even our small goals and hobbies shouldn’t have a deadline on them. We see other people around us achieve more things in one year than we have in our last decade, and it makes us feel so inadequate, without realising everyone is experiencing their own struggles behind the scenes, and are trying to fake it til they make it.

I always have to remind myself that my goals, thoughts, and desires can change daily, and I don’t have to put myself in a prison of my past expectations.

Part 3: Action

As much as I love going on an emotional journey with myself, introducing practical steps is a big part of my approach as well. These were the simple changes I made to my lifestyle to build up my confidence again.

I took control of my autonomy, in small ways

When I was my least motivated, I felt like I didn’t have any control over my life. I felt like I was on autopilot, seeing my life pass me by, feeling helpless and depressed.

So what did I do? I did as much as I could to take control of my decision making again – even if it didn’t seem productive or practical. If I wanted to rewatch an old movie for the 100th time, I would do it – no questions asked. If I wanted to spend an hour rearranging my shelf, only to put it back to what it was… I would do it. If I wanted to tuck myself into bed eating a pack of red frogs and stare at the ceiling for the whole afternoon… I would do it. 

Doing the small things that I wanted gave me confidence in myself again. I started to realise that I wasn’t at the mercy of my previous and outdated expectations. I didn’t have to live a life where I was perfect and productive all the time. Existing… being… was enough.

Once I got into a better mindset, my desires started to change, I started getting the itch to do more things outside of lying in bed all day. Eventually, I got myself back to my regular routine.

I refused to feel guilty

I’ve been struggling with guilt my whole life – I think it’s a symptom of being a ‘productivity girlie’. When I don’t get something done, I feel immense shame for slacking and underperforming. Often this feeling is completely unfounded – nothing bad has really happened and no one was hurt. But the guilt is still there and pops up when I’m not functioning like I “should”. 

So this year, I decided to stop feeling guilty. And this really helped me get out of my motivation slump and depression. Every time I feel guilty for any reason… I challenge it. I ask myself, did I do something wrong? Where is this guilt coming from? And if the answer isn’t “I hurt someone”, then I refuse to feel guilty about it. I actively tell myself, “Well there’s no reason to feel guilty. Let go of these feelings and move on.” 

I planned my dream life (for fun)

Whenever I’m feeling lost, I like to plan my dream life. So that’s what I did during my little depression era. I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down a list of everything I wanted to do in my life, and how I wanted to spend my days and weekends. I wrote down all the things I wanted to accomplish, all the travel, all the things I wanted to spend my money on, all the cool big projects I was excited about doing. None of these dreams had a plan or action items (that wasn’t the point of the exercise) — it was more about figuring out what made me happy and excited about my life again. 

I deleted my addictive social media apps (aka TikTok)

Anyone who knows me in real life understands that I have a severe TikTok addiction. I would spend upwards of 20 hours a week scrolling, in addition to other social media apps like Twitter, Instagram and YouTube. I use TikTok as an escape; when I’m feeling exhausted I watch videos so I can be distracted and not deal with the things I need to do. In the past it worked well, I would feel more relaxed and then move onto my other tasks. 

But lately, I’ve been using it as a crutch – and the more I scrolled, the more overstimulated I felt. This made me more tired, which made me want to watch more to soothe my exhaustion. It was an unhealthy cycle and I could feel my brain rotting with every swipe. 

So I deleted my TikTok app from my phone. I needed to clear my head, and give myself some of that time back. After a week, I woke up every day more refreshed and feeling less dread about the day. I spent more time with a clear head, and doing things that mattered. 

Did I download TikTok again? Yes of course – but my attitude after a week of no TikTok had already changed. Now, I only download it on weekends to keep up with trends (I work in marketing after all), and I use it as a form of entertainment rather than a way to fill up time and distract myself. I have since deleted it off my phone again and I’m conscious to only use it when I’m feeling happy and refreshed.

I did things at a subpar level (trying is succeeding)

Speaking of TikTok – before I deleted the app off my phone, I came across a video on my FYP that said ‘Trying is succeeding’. I used to think “trying” was a weak attempt at doing something (“Don’t try, just do!” I would exclaim). But this year, I’ve started to try new things in my life – things I know I will never excel at. And even though I’m still bad at the new things, I’ve had such a great time doing it. 

Trying is so important – instead of being perfect, I just show up and give it a go. The most difficult thing when it comes to doing anything is starting, and doing something at a subpar level is okay too. Not everything in life has to be done immaculately to be considered successful.

I’ve learnt that just ‘trying’ to put in effort (even if you fail) is an achievement in itself. Improvement will happen over time, and showing up and trying is the first step.

I focused on 1-2 things a day

When I got back from my trip, I had a list of 50+ items that all needed my attention. A lot of them were important and/or time sensitive, and the list overwhelmed me so much that I completely shut down and stopped looking at it. 

When I finally started working on my tasks again, I adopted a new approach. I decided to select only 2 tasks a day to complete, and allowed myself to rest after doing them. This really took the pressure off and I got more stuff done over time than when I tried to tackle everything at once.

I talked to a lot of people 

I’m not one to hide my feelings, so when I hit a wall… I immediately started talking to people about what I was going through. Having a voice of reason helped me figure out my feelings, my annoyances, and my fears. I’m really thankful to everyone I was able to openly talk to about my struggles, and all the advice and empathy I got from outside perspectives.

I made myself an instruction manual

When I felt depressed, I was really lost about all the things I had to do day-to-day. I just felt incredibly overwhelmed, confused and frazzled. My brain wasn’t alert, and I would often forget the daily habits I would usually do. 

So instead of relying on my brain to remember everything, I made an extensive list (aka an “instruction manual”) that told me everything I needed to do daily. Even simple things like “Brush teeth”, “Make bed”, “Skincare” were all written down for me in an app called ‘Loop Habit Tracker’, and I would refer to it when I needed to. In the app, I was able to tick off a habit when I finished it, which felt very satisfying.

I read Atomic Habits and Four Thousand Weeks again

When it comes to motivation, my favourite productivity books are Atomic Habits by James Clear and Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman. I really love these books because they’re able to give you practical tips, and change your mindset about what it means to be productive – all their advice is really easy to maintain regardless of your lifestyle. When I was struggling, I re-read excerpts from the books and watched summaries on YouTube – just to remind myself that success and fulfilment can be achieved in small ways. 

Accept that everything happens at the time it needs to

A big part of my emotional journey was accepting that no matter how behind I felt, everything that happened in my life happened at the right time. This has proven to be true for myself again and again – I’ve missed out on opportunities, only for something better to happen a few months later. And while I often feel like I need to rush through things, I always need to remind myself to live at a pace that’s healthy and sustainable. Life has ebbs and flows, and things happen when they do for a reason. Enjoy being a human being, live your life doing what you want to do and even if you aren’t just yet… trust that you will when the time is right.