Deb Wrapped 2024: Everything that I’ve learnt this year
2024 was a great year – but a complicated one to put into words. I experienced a lot of slow and subtle growth, yet my approach to life has completely changed over the past year. Everything you’re about to read is 10 years in the making, not just the last 12 months.
I didn’t go through any life-changing events in 2024 – instead, I took all my experiences, successes, and repeated failures from the past decade, and was able to rebuild my mindset into something more flexible, forgiving and productive.
So let’s reflect on 2024’s theme: Focus and Ambition
I chose “focus and ambition” to be my theme in 2024 because I wanted to actually get stuff done. I wanted to get creative again, and achieve something.
After a long period of burnout and recovery in my mid to late 20s, I knew 2024 was the time to slowly introduce a bit of ambition back into my life again. But after this year, I realised that even though I still do have ambitions, the goals aren’t as impressive or lofty as they used to be. I think it’s because since my 20s, I’ve realised that (1) I have everything I truly want now; (2) some outcomes are not worth the effort anymore; and (3) the hardest things to achieve are my intrinsic goals, showing up, and doing things consistently.
My focus improved this year – because I decided to stop overthinking so much. I’m a victim of future planning – while it is one of my strengths, it can be debilitating 80% of the time. I would spend most of my time planning things instead of doing them, and when I was done planning, I’d think about planning the next thing. Letting go of my overthinking side and trying to work with the present definitely helped my focus in 2024. I know next year it will be even better.
My 2025 theme is… Artistry
I ultimately chose Artistry as my theme because I want to dive back into the craft of making things, learning new skills, and improving old ones.
Now that my day job leans more into directing, strategy, and management, I’m designing way less and I feel like I’m losing the skill. I want to continue being on the tools, and the more I do it outside of work, the better I’ll be at my job as a director. I want to try new things like cinematography and film grading. I want to edit, illustrate, and make print projects. The opportunities are endless and I’m genuinely excited to make things without the pressure to monetise it. The stakes are low, and that’s the best space to be creative.
Before we get into my 2024 learnings, here are my stats:
I listened to 14,426 minutes of music and podcasts (5,319 minutes less than last year – My top artist was Stray Kids, my top song was Tip Toe by HBYS)
I watched 51 films (13 more than last year – My favourite film was The Substance)
I watched 12 TV shows (14 less than last year – My favourite show was Severance)
I finished 13 books and 4 graphic novels (10 more than last year – My favourite books were The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller, Heroes by Stephen Fry, Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown, and Tomie by Junji Ito)
My favourite moment of 2024: Meeting Bang Chan and Felix from Stray Kids and talking to them about being Australian for 20 minutes. And learning how to tumbleturn (I’ve been swimming since I was a kid and never was able to do it!)
My rating of the year: 8.5/10
My biggest revelation of 2024 was… how much guilt and shame I carried in my everyday life
Guilt and shame is such an internal emotion, it’s not something you talk about with others often – so I didn’t realise how severe my guilt was when it came to normal everyday situations.
There was one situation in this year where I felt so bad, and so insanely guilty, even though I didn’t do anything objectively wrong other than put my needs first (verified by my friends, family, and therapist).
After that situation subsided, I took a step back and I reflected on these extreme feelings of guilt and shame – even though I knew my decision was the best outcome for me and all the parties involved. Shortly after, I came across a term called “toxic guilt” which explains my own thought process pretty well:
“There are two types of guilt: the first type signals that we have compromised a core value, while the second type, toxic guilt, involves assuming responsibility for others' emotions and blaming ourselves for causing negative feelings in them. Toxic guilt may manifest as feeling guilty for declining to talk over the phone with a friend who wants to discuss their stressful day because you are emotionally drained, or for being unable to visit a parent due to a busy week and suggesting they visit you instead. In these scenarios, you are simply communicating your limitations and needs.”
So when I thought about it, I recognised that I suffer from toxic guilt in many every day situations:
Not wanting to flake on plans or decline an invite because I don’t want someone to feel rejected (I would much rather not be invited than say no).
Feeling awful about not following someone’s advice after I’ve asked for their perspective
Feeling terrible about rejecting someone because I don’t want to make them feel bad or hurt their self esteem (this is my least favourite part of dating and why I decided to opt out, I’d much rather be rejected than reject someone else)
A less serious one – when meeting someone for the first time, I don't say someone’s name out loud because I’m afraid of pronouncing/getting it wrong and I’ll make them feel bad (this is so stupid but this makes so much sense with my toxic guilt!)
The funny thing is, if the roles were reversed (someone was rejecting me, flaking on me, not following my advice, getting my name wrong), I honestly wouldn’t care much or take it personally. I’d accept it as is, and just move on with my life.
This year, I went back to therapy and I’ve been talking to my psychologist about recognising and healing that guilt. Any time I feel any guilt or shame now, I take a step back, think about the situation objectively and ask myself, “Was anyone truly hurt from this interaction?” (the answer is usually no), “and if they were, what can I do to fix it?”. Instead of carrying around the shame and ruminating on it, I’ve been able to catch myself when these feelings come up.
Shortly after this revelation, I read Brene Brown’s Gifts of Imperfection, which explores shame in great depth. If anything I said above resonates with you, I highly recommend you read it too.
I need to always trust my gut and body, no matter how logical the situation seems
In late 2024, I found myself in an emotional pickle. My anxiety shot right up, I wasn’t eating well, I was stressed – and my body and mind were fighting each other. I somehow convinced myself that I had to endure the suffering to become more mentally resilient… but my body was weak, tired, and starving itself as a result.
I remember talking to my friends and family about the situation, and they (not knowing how severe my anxiety was affecting my body), gave me advice to soothe my mind and take a chance on the opportunity. At the time, I wanted to take the opportunity as well. However, my body didn’t feel that way in the slightest. Even when things were positive, I was still feeling anxious, and I hadn’t felt that uneasy in a really long time.
I spent a lot of time negotiating with myself – my gut told me it felt wrong, but from an outside perspective things didn’t seem bad at all. As time went on, the situation became worse (objectively), and my body reacted in a worse way too. I stayed in bed for days (literally brainrotting and sleeping) because I was so mentally spent. Once I got myself out of the situation, the switch was like day and night. I immediately felt happier, I gained my appetite again, and I jumped back into my hobbies like nothing had happened.
After this whole ordeal, I realised that I can’t ignore when my body is reacting strangely to a new situation. My gut has never been wrong, and when I’ve ignored it, I’ve found myself in a pickle just like this one. I’ve spent the last few years building a strong foundation for myself, building hobbies, relationships, and a sense of peace – and if anything comes in and disrupts it, it’s not something I can ignore.
Never make yourself small to accommodate someone who can’t match your level
When I feel like I have to diminish my light or make myself small to be palatable to others, I know they aren’t “my people”. When I meet people who make me feel self-conscious – I overthink things, I limit my personality and restrict myself. That’s no way to live, yet a lot of us do it every day.
I’m really thankful that my main circle is filled with people who match my freak (and enable me a bit too much). If there’s anyone who makes you feel ashamed for being who you are, or makes you feel like you’re annoying or bothersome to them, ditch them and find cooler people to hang out with! You’ll never be too much for the right people.
Don’t sacrifice your plans and needs, to make it convenient for someone else
Because of my people pleasing nature, I have a tendency to put other people’s needs above my own. Here are a few examples:
If I carved out a day for myself to relax, and my friend (or even a stranger) had a desire to meet me on that same day, I would go out of my way to move around my plans to accommodate their preference (instead of doing the normal thing and trying to arrange a different date).
If I was on a trip and I wanted to do something but no one else was interested, I would not end up doing what I wanted to do.
If someone wanted to attend something and needed company, I’d agree to do it even if I really didn’t want to. It would be even worse if I was already physically exhausted but did it anyway.
Reflecting back on these points, they all seem like minor sacrifices for a normal person. But for an extreme people pleaser like myself, constantly making these choices would wear me down over time (i.e. death by a thousand cuts).
I’m not saying you shouldn’t do things like this EVER (if anything, compromises have to be made at times, and being a good friend is always important), but once you ignore your needs and boundaries countless times like I did, you start to feel resentful because you’re constantly betraying yourself when no one even asked for it. I found myself feeling tired and annoyed because I wasn’t capable of EVER putting my own needs first. I just felt “selfish”, “bad”, and “guilty” if I ever put my own desires above anyone else. No one forced me to sacrifice anything, yet here I was – constantly putting my needs last.
Even if it seems small, the more you ignore your own needs, the more your mind internalises that you don’t matter.
And when someone would decline an invite because they didn’t have energy or their schedule didn’t align that day (which is a fair response), I would admittedly feel annoyed (an unfair response). I’d catch myself and wonder if it was true annoyance, or perhaps a sense of disappointment that someone wouldn’t do the same thing that I would do for them. But over time I realised it was not annoyance or disappointment, but more a twinge of envy that other people were capable of sticking to their boundaries and prioritising themselves, unlike me. Eventually, I told myself, ‘You could do the same you know…’ and while it was hard to believe at first, slowly I did.
Over the past year, I’ve reflected on this behaviour and been unlearning these default reactions. Instead of going out of my way to move things around when I have my own set plans, I practice patience and try to find another date that works. If I want to do something and no one else wants to do it, I go on my own. If I’m not interested in going to something, I’m honest about it and I don’t go. These seem granular, but they have been really big steps for me emotionally. It’s been quite a journey but I’m getting better every day.
I stopped making excuses when it came to my creativity
Ever since I was young, I’ve always used the phrase “I’ll be ready when…”.
I’ll be ready to draw when I’m not doing exams.
I’ll be ready to create things when I’m not working.
I'll be ready to stick to my goals when it’s the New Year.
But this year, I stopped thinking this way. What was the catalyst? It was The Artist’s Way. I did a review of it 2 blogs ago, but these two quotes really stuck out to me from the book:
“Do you know how old I will be by the time I learn to really play the piano/act/paint/write a decent play?” “Yes… the same age you will be if you don’t.”
“Blocked creatives like to think they are looking to change their life in one fell swoop. Creative people are dramatic, and we use negative drama to scare ourselves out of our creativity with this notion of wholesale and often destructive change. Instead of writing three pages a day on a screenplay, we prefer worrying about how we will have to move to Hollywood if the script gets bought. Which it can’t anyway because we are too busy worrying about selling it to write it.”
In my life, it was so easy to find an excuse to not do something creative. I’d say “I’m too old to learn”, “I’m not ready”, “I don’t have the energy or time…” or I’d overthink it and worry about the consequences of my creativity (“What if I have to start monetising it?” “What if I hate it later on? It would just be a waste of time then!”).
But this year, I just accepted this simple fact: I’m either doing the thing or I’m NOT doing the thing. There’s no excuses, there’s no “I’ll do it when…” – if it’s not in my life right now, I don’t value it enough for it to be in my life right now.
Thinking about doing something isn’t going to move the needle either. No one is going to look at you and say, “Wow she really thought about drawing! Good for her!” It’s not an achievement to think about something and not take action with it.
Ever since I switched to this mentality, I feel free. I’m no longer making excuses for myself – I accept things as they are, and as a result, I don’t regret anything when it comes to how I’m spending my time.
If I feel hesitant about something, I now ask myself “What am I afraid of?”
Even till this day, I can’t help but procrastinate. Sometimes it happens because of low energy levels or pure laziness, but when I’ve been putting off a task for a few weeks, I sit down and ask myself “What am I afraid of?”.
Usually I procrastinate for a few reasons:
I genuinely don’t have the time or energy (if this happens, I specifically carve out a full day to do it, even if the task itself takes only an hour)
I’m afraid it’s going to open a can of worms and lead to more tasks (it’s like when you kill the big spider and then 1000 small spiders burst from its dead body)
I’m worried that it will impact my life our routine in some way (it’s giving the same energy as “Instead of writing three pages a day on a screenplay, we prefer worrying about how we will have to move to Hollywood if the script gets bought.”)
I’m worried that it will lead to some sort of embarrassment in the future (may be valid, most of the time irrational)
So if it’s the first two reasons – that’s an easy fix: I just need some brain space, time and capacity.
If it’s the 3rd one or 4th one, I have to be honest to myself about my anxieties, and whether or not the juice is worth the squeeze. If it’s something I want to do despite the “risks”, I have to accept the risks will always be part of the deal. If it’s something I’d rather avoid, I’ll take it off my list and do something else. 90% of the time, my fears are irrational and I’m ruminating on something that won’t happen. I usually break down the task to granular steps so it’s a bit easier to complete.
Success without confidence breeds imposter syndrome
I’ve had impostor syndrome for almost my whole career, and this TikTok explained why so clearly for me; “If you do really well, and you don’t believe in yourself – you do not become secure. A lot of people think that becoming secure is about being successful – that’s not the case. If you’re really successful, you don’t end up with security, you end up with impostor syndrome.”
Even though I’ve been working for over a decade and experienced some successes, my confidence has never been at the same level as my experience. No matter what, I’d always be comparing myself to others better than me, instead of realising the skills I have are great on their own.
In the last few years my confidence has increased, especially now that I have more responsibility at work. Of course, there’s a few things I want to improve, but the impostor syndrome has definitely subsided. Moving forward, if I ever feel impostor syndrome I’m going to take a step back and build my confidence up to my current skillset level.
I don’t need to know every step, just the next one
I watched this YouTube video, and the creator said “You don’t need to know every step, just the next one”, and I think this is an incredible antidote to the anxiety I’ve felt about my life. I always want to plan 10 steps ahead to have a sense of control in my life (it’s almost like a defense mechanism). But instead of helping me, it really hindered and paralysed me.
It was this year that I realised that only knowing the next step is all I need. It keeps me focused and stops me overthinking.
Because I suffer from anxiety, I always want to prematurely react to things that haven’t happened yet – even though there’s no guarantee that it will even happen at all. It’s okay to think about sometimes, but ruminating on multiple hypothetical outcomes can be unhealthy and debilitating. When someone I know is overthinking the future, I always say “cross the bridge when you get to it” – and I always have to remind myself how important that advice is for me as well
11 Bonus 2024 learnings I now live by
Doing a bit today means doing a bit less tomorrow
Going back is not moving backwards
It’s never too late to learn something new
No one needs to know everything about you all the time
‘Fucking the text man for texts’ altered my brain chemistry
There’s a direct correlation between my exhaustion levels and my desire to doomscroll
I’m only allowed to pick 1 struggle at any given time
I stopped overthinking, and I got 80% of my time back
Clarity doesn’t come from waiting, it comes from doing (also from that YouTube Video!)
Everyone’s advice is their shared experience – pick and choose what works for you, and ignore the rest (you are not them, they are not you)
Unhappiness is the gap between your ideal self and current self
As for the small changes in 2025…
Challenge any feelings of guilt when they come up
Play into my limitations when it comes to art and make it my strength
Work on being less impulsive (in life and in art) – I need to sleep on decisions, and I need to stop feeling pressure to “react”
Listen to my gut and body more
Focus on improving my illustration and design work, developing my skills and POV in creative areas
Spend less time on TikTok, decrease brain rot
Declutter, donate, spend less money and don’t spend impulsively
Detach, detach, detach
Do a bit today so I do less tomorrow
Read 3 books from my to-be-read pile before buying a new book
This is probably one of the longest blog posts I’ve ever written in my life – if you have read up to this point, thank you so much for being here. Happy New Year!